PAULA'S SOUTHAMPTON BLOG: DON'T LET YOUR MIND PLAY TRICKS ON YOU!......Especially In Business!!!

DON'T LET YOUR MIND PLAY TRICKS ON YOU!......Especially In Business!!!

Things don't always turn out the way you think !!!.... HOW WILL THIS TURN OUT?Ever had a seller or a buyer do or say something that you could never have anticpated? Ever had the idea that something was going to happen and then got totally blown away by the way it turned out???

 DON'T LET YOUR MIND PLAY TRICKS ON YOU!!!...ESPECIALLY  IN BUSINESS!!!

Do I have a story to tell you:

It happened to me the other day. I was working away on getting a friends house ready for renting it. It was not a huge job but I volunteered my time to help out a good friend who really needed to spruce up his house before he put it on the Summer rental market. I thought "staging" it would make a big difference in getting it rented.

I was moving at a great speed and getting this done was foremost in my mind. Since I was doing it for him FOR FREE! (he really is a great good friend) and I had a buyer that I was showing houses to later, I wasn't focused on anything else. ..."Just get this done and move on" was all I was thinking about.

He was there in the house and making phone calls like mad, leaving me to my work.

So, when he came up to me with his cell phone to his ear, I was not in anyway prepared for him to say anything to me. I heard him say "Lets go sit down...I really need to tell you something"..as he nodded toward the sofa and I went with him meekly, he closed his phone and gave me his full attention. "What are you planning to do with the Master bedroom?" he asked.

"Oh, I thought about changing the angle of the bed and I think I will put a new duvet cover on the comforter you have, why?" He was acting very weird--like he had other things on his mind.

"Well, I have some news; some good news and some bad news" he said. I couldn't imagine what he was about to tell me...was he getting married again?...was he going to ask me out--for dinner or a... a date?....was there something that he didn't like about the way I was doing his house over? All of these abstract thoughts came flooding into my mind. My heart was literally suspended from beating for that moment.OMG...

He looked away from me and gave a long deep sigh....I was holding my breath, without knowing it.

He looked back at me and I thought I could feel something; a look, a smoldering look was coming from his eyes....I coughed as I drew in some air after not having breathed for many seconds. Looking away quickly, he gulped audibly....

"I have been thinking about this for so long that I can't believe that I have finally made up my mind" he said slowly, looking down at his hands..."this is very difficult for me" with dry lips, his voice was muffled.

My mind was racing: "I never led him on!!! What is he doing? He is going to tell me he is in love with me and I haven't even kissed the man! How wild is this--my friends will never believe me!".....

The energy between us was palpable..."nothing could have prepared me for this! What am I going to say to him? I can't believe this!!!"

I reached out to touch his hand; to calmly tell him that he must not say anything more; that my life is perfect the way it is, that I could not date him, we are friends!....my plans for my future would not include him......

His head bobbed a bit, then he looked up at me, looked me right in the eye...and he said:

"I finally decided to put the house on the market for sale...(long pause)........... and I am giving the listing to Jean Anderson...I wanted to tell you this for some time........

My heart fell; all the other thoughts that had flooded my brain moments before vaporized...

I stood up, yanked my hand away and yelled: "You two-timing son-of-a------" "....JEAN ANDERSON???"GET OUTTA HERE!

Moral of the story: DO NOT EVER ALLOW YOUR IMAGINATION TO GO WILD WHERE YOUR WORK IS CONCERNED; RARELY DO THINGS TURN OUT THE WAY YOU THINK THEY WILL!!!

 

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                                     **ALL INFORMATION AND CONTENT IN THIS BLOG IS ORIGINAL TO PAULA I. HATHAWAY.  The views expressed herein are my personal views and do not reflect the views of Douglas Elliman Real Estate

 

Paula I. Hathaway, Senior Broker Associate, Douglas Elliman Real Estate

Southamtpon Village Real Estate Specialist since 1995;  Also Specializes in North Sea, Noyac, Water Mill and Bridgehampton, New York

Diamond , Gold and Chairman's Circle Awards; Top Producer since 2005

 

Click here to see my Hampton's website to see all my listings; please email me or call me for all your real estate needs in Southampton, Bridgehampton and Watermill:  http://www.elliman.com/paulahathaway

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Comment balloon 36 commentsPaula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA • February 04 2011 09:23PM

Comments

I would guess that is when you went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on your face.  Before or after you kicked yourself. Sorry to hear how it all worked out . 

Posted by Stanley Stepak, Realtor - Avon Lake, Avon, Bay Village, Westlake, (Howard Hanna - Avon Lake, OH) over 7 years ago

You have me stopping dead in my tracks with thinking about why he was asking you about the Master Bedroom and then dropping the bomb.  Sorry this happened to you but it sounds more like the lowest of "friendship" that there is.

Posted by Barb Van Stensel over 7 years ago

Paula, you tell a great story, sad ending, notwithstanding.

So, um, what are you doing Saturday night?  ;-)

Brian L. Sirota, Esq., BriStar Realty, Orange County, California

Posted by Brian L. Sirota, Esq., For Solutions: (714) 501-7660 (Bristar Realty (Realtor/Attorney)) over 7 years ago

Stan: It was losing the listing that go to  me!!:=(

Barb: Just thought I would share a litlle humor in these terrible times!

Brian: Very Funny---glad you thought it was a good story though....I did think the ending was funny!!!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula~ I'm glad it was just a missed listing, great story, great story.  Take care.

Posted by Adrian Willanger, Profit from my two decades of experience (206 909-7536 AdrianWillanger-broker.com) over 7 years ago

OUCH!!! That gotta hurt! But you recovered quickly...from your day dreaming!

But know what...it's like cheating on you too...maybe not on the emotional and physical level...but man!!! you're his friend! how can he give the listing to someone else!

anyways, i hope you're still friends with him though...after kicking yourself and realizing that all your effort has gone to waste.

Posted by James Harner, James Harner Group - Philadelphia PA Real Estate (Considering Selling Your Home? Call 610-310-7646 first) over 7 years ago

Adrian: Thank you! Glad you  liked it.....seems we are so focused on business all the time, I thougt it was time for a good laugh! :=)

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Well that sucks. 

If he had no shot with you before he sure has a snowball's chance in Hell now.  

Posted by J. Philip Faranda, Broker-Owner (J. Philip Faranda (J. Philip R.E. LLC) Westchester County NY) over 7 years ago

James: You got it!!! Don't we put up with this stuff all the time?? Maybe not emotionally as in this instance but there are things that happen to us that eat away at our confidence like a mouse at a cheese wedge..nibbble, nibble, nibble away until we are lucky we have any left!! :)

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Phillip: ...a chance with me? Are you  kidding? I am ready to have him put down....after giving away the lisitng I was STAGING FOR HIM!!!...for FREE!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula, 

Very sorry to hear that story.  Dealing with friends is actually tougher than new clients I don't know.  Friends don't like to listen, as they've known you in your non-working capacity.  

Unfortunately, he probably really isn't any kind of friend if he let you work and do things for him knowing you were not going to list it.  

Take a deep breath and move on to folks who will appreciate your assistance and NOT FOR FREE!

All the best, Michelle

Posted by Michelle Francis, Realtor, Buckhead Atlanta Homes for Sale & Lease (Tim Francis Realty LLC) over 7 years ago

Paula, I don't think I would have been too happy over that one!

Posted by Deborah Bly, RE/MAX Realtor (RE/MAX Space Center) over 7 years ago

Michelle: I was using it to show how we think in real estate: we get all cozied up to the idea that the buyer or seller loves us and wants us to succeed--until they pull the rug out from under us by cutting a commission or demanding we spend more than we planned--and then they give the listing to Jean Anderson aRGHHH....

Deborah: We find ourselves in these situations all the time---may not have the romantic slant but we get our knickers twisted all the time in this business.....This was just a slightly different way to get the point accross. 

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

I want to know what this Jean Anderson has got that you don't.  Can she cook?

Posted by Jane Peters, Connecting you to the L.A. real estate market (Home Jane Realty) over 7 years ago

A shock for sure! Some 'good friends' seem to turn out differently!

Posted by Lottie Kendall, Serving San Francisco and the Silicon Valley (Pacific Union International) over 7 years ago

Send the two timing rat fink a bill for staging...

 

Posted by Andrea Swiedler, Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT (Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties) over 7 years ago

Jean will grossly overprice it.

Posted by Laurie Mindnich over 7 years ago

Such a wonderfully written post, had me going for a minute....what is the matter with him, how could he let you stage that house for a second knowing that....disgusting.   

Posted by Miriam Bernstein, CRS, New Orleans and Surrounding Suburbs Real Estate (New Orleans Property Lady, LLC) over 7 years ago

Jane: She must do something that I don't do!!!....can't guess what that might be!........;)

Lottie: You bet! And if I ever see that two-timing-son-of -a-....well you know the rest!

Andrea: That "Rat Fink" is the perfect choice of words---I am writing a bill as we speak; now, what do I charge for a new duvet cover????humm.......

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Laurie: You better believe she will---that's her trick! She will probably put it on the market for a million more than it is worth!!

Miriam: Because he is a "Rat Fink"..that's why! Can't wait to get my hands that !@#$%^&*()!!! :)

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

photoI had something happen to me like that with a good freind but it was on the buying side, worked with her for 6 months looking for the right home her boyfriend was never happy. Months later  she told me not to get mad she bought a home from her boyfriends daughter. That is the thanks I got for a 23 year friendship.                        

Posted by Susan Stenerson (Prudential Northwest Real Estate Shelton) over 7 years ago

Susan: I think we all (in real estate) have stories like this and the one I wrote about---these are the things that try us so much in this business---it's almost like the closer you are to the people you represent, the deeper the wound. I have several stories worse than this....but I will take another post to write them.

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula --- sorry to hear the not-happy-ending.  Your post is so well-written, I was expecting a very different ending to the story.

Posted by Michael Jacobs, Los Angeles Pasadena Area Real Estate 818.516.4393 (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage) over 7 years ago

Michael: And what would that ending have been? I would be interested to know how other people would have ended the story---that could be fascinating!!!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula, yesterday and this morning things were hectic so I promised myself I'd come back to your blog when I was free. I'd like to say its funny, but it isn't at all. How often do our friends and family use us when they need us, but not even consider us when listing their home, their filled with excuses.

Posted by Ellen Caruso (Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty) over 7 years ago

Ellen: I know; it's a bit of black comedy, this story. I wrote it just thinking that unless we get a grip on how we think about our business, we will fall victim to the seemingly innocent miss-treatment by those we think we know best......warnings don't work---telling your fellow agents that their so-called friends are the least trustworthy when it comes to your lively-hood has never been taken seriously--not, that is until they have been "shafted" by a friend or two!!! 

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Toni: Boy! You can say that again! I lucked out and Jean lost out, I am afraid--as far as I could see he was going to shake her down for what ever and then dump her too. You are right--no interest in the man romance wise....but the last thing in the world I was prepared for with him that day was to be thown to the wolves...especially in business---and he got a free staging job out of me on top of it!!! Friends DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO APPRECIATE YOUR HARD WORK--- OR YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH!! He is no longer my friend and I am sure he wonders why....this kind of person just doesn't get it!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula - Is there such a thing as "unstaging" a property?  I've had people tell me at the last minute they need to list with cousin Joe or retired Aunt Mary, but I think it's time to re-evaluate the quality of his friendship.

Posted by Norma Toering Broker for Palos Verdes and Beach Cities, Palos Verdes Luxury Homes in L.A. (Charlemagne International Properties) over 7 years ago

Norma: No doubt! I think this kind of thing happens so frequently in our business that it is a matter of sucking it up and moving on....unfortunately these instances are devastating to us at a level that is beyond just business. Therefore, this story is to try to convey that..with a little humor tossed in.

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

I love your style of writing, you had me on the edge of my seat...shocking he would ask for help knowing he wasn't using you for the listing

Posted by Brian Doubleday, Ladera Ranch, Foothill Ranch, Lake Forest, Mission Viejo (Brian Doubleday - IML RealEstate - Orange County, CA Broker) over 7 years ago

Brian: I think the whole thing is very symbolic of the way we are treated in our business by the people we know the best---this is not the only story I could tell of this nature!!!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

I was waiting for a grope and instead you got a dump. I feel bad for you...he let you work there, knowing he was listing with someone else. Are you sending a BIG staging bill to Jean Anderson? Maybe you cna bring the buyer and negotiate hard.

Posted by Leslie Ebersole, I help brokers build businesses they love. (Swanepoel T3 Group) over 7 years ago

Leslie: You are so funny!!! I was afraid there might be a grope--the dump was just that!...and I have since negotiated hard to get him out of my life!!! Somehow, if someone does that to you, you can gather your wits and take a different stance than before---anyway, I am furhter ahead without him in my life--listing or no listing!!!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Hello Paula -- so glad to have found a way to open your blog! SUGGEST!!

Reading nearly all comments in your blog, a wave of melancholy encompassed me as I've got the feeling that some of us, including my self have met our shadows when dealing with those who are still in the "shifting time"...the 'spiel', especially when it comes from a 'freind' (Susan #21) can knock you over...yet there can also be other reasons unknown to us and them while they acted that way...is it  karma?...to learn and be empowered for new lessons on our journeys?

 Lately I also encountered delicate fronts...and it is under those exceptional circumstances especially when dealing with marriage break up clients, or close friends, where these clients sometimes confuse professional empathy with sympathy, that hurt occurs...

...but let's remember not to hide ...let's reload and embrace our energy systems, and begin sending forgiveness into the hearts of those who failed, and to us the passion of inner peace, universal abundance and hope. 

Your inspirational blog demonstrates again how to be divinely human, how to raise ourselves up. Thank you!

Best from 'down under'.

 

Posted by Peter michelbach over 7 years ago

Peter: Thank you for the moral support--these things happen all the time here in America--Do they happen there as well?? I have been "dumped" more than once by a friend when I work with them in real estate....says a lot about the attitude toward the profession!

Posted by Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA, ...The Most Informed Agent In The Hamptons! (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Paula -- I feel guilty....and only now do I have the strength to answer with a melancholic: yes...

it happens here as welll....and to be truthful, I had a similar encounter of transference, ...which was, from my side unexpected; yet I understand that some times 'greater forces' can be embeded in shadows, especially when a client wanders through very intimate and personal dilemmas...personally I only thought how veritable it is to have found someone on a similar wave lenght, in the truest sense and spirit of pure camraderie, where a exchange of dynamic spiritual, philosophical thoughts can unfold...yet it hurts, as the (female) client did not understand that I am (only) a loyal, friendly real estate agent, with some principles.

Thanks for sharing, it is a pleasure reading your comments. Best, Peter

Posted by Peter Michelbach over 7 years ago

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